*Beginning in 2010, I started writing a bi-weekly column, “From Richard’s Oft Cluttered Desk” which appears every other Wednesday.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8

Over the last year, over 1,800 committed couples took the ultimate step and declaration of love. They got married.

“But wait a second, Richard! How in the world did only 1,8-000 people get married in the last year?” you might be asking. Well, it’s because those 1,800 were gay and lesbian couples in my adopted state of Iowa. Last April 3, the state supreme court ruled, 7-0 I might add, that discrimination of marriage to men and women only was unconstitutional.

It was a beautiful day.

In November 2008, the same night (then Senator) Obama was elected, California approved Proposition 8, reversing the law allowing gay marriage in that state. I was angry. I was hurt. I was stunned that night.

A mere six months later, as I watched Twitter and Facebook to the news on the court decision, I was nervous. I was scared. I didn’t want to keep seeing love lose. On that day, it didn’t. Love and common sense law won out. Through all the losses before that day and those that have come since (see Maine), I have not cried. But I did on that day. Years of frustration and hurt and segregation came to an end.

It was an honor to say I was an Iowan again.

I know a few people who have either gotten married or are engaged and I couldn’t be more proud and excited for them. Love always wins.

As I wrote last year, “Today, the hope now exists in Des Moines, Iowa. In Cedar Falls, in Dennison, in Decorah, in Estherville, in Mason City, in Keokuk, and everywhere in between. In Iowa, under the law, all love is now equal.”

There are still legal battles to be fought and rights to maintain. But as the saying goes, “Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain.”

There is a Christmas poem that I love. I look forward to it every year. It’s long so I won’t bore you with it here. But it ends, “[...] of all the gifts, love is the best.” It is. And love always wins.

Related posts:

1. Let There Be Love…
2. Gratitude Week: Love
3. Give Love

1. I Can Run!

I began 2009 with a plan to run more. I didn’t figure I’d play much tennis, so I wanted to be more physically active. Nathanael gave me the Nike+ Running “friend” for my birthday in January and what has happened is nothing short of amazing!

This first image is from April… My runs are averaging about 1.8 miles per run.

Jump forward to today and I’m averaging about 3.2 miles per run and just set a personal best for distance and mile pace. This year I’ve run (as of mid-December) 284 miles and spent more than 45 hours running. My goal was 275 miles, so I’m pleased and surprised with my final results. Next year will be more of the same, but I’m going to work on my consistency.

2. Reading is Awesome!

In 2008, I had a goal to read 20 books. I didn’t hit that mark. In 2009, I had a goal of 12 and while I came up a bit short, I read two 700+ page books, all the while writing my own and being a freelancer and writing 3-4 posts a week here at Finding Focus. All told, it was a wonderful year of growth for me. My goal will remain 10 books for 2010 and I already have that stack started. My favorites from this year included my one political read, Team of Rivals, as well as Outliers, Beautiful Boy and Agony and the Ecstasy.

3. World-Class Athletes are Very Humble

This year I had to amazing good fortune to fill in at the last minute at the US Open USTA Wheelchair Championships. I had never seen any wheelchair sport in person and I was skeptical. Not anymore. You can see some of my photos from the event. I will forever be a fan of this sport now. The best part aside from meeting some amazing people, were the athletes themselves. These were the best wheelchair tennis players in the world! Just having conversations with them over lunch and at the hotel… they are the most humble, relaxed and kind athletes I’ve ever met.

4. Challenging Yourself Brings Results

I’ve written numerous times this year (here and here) about how deciding to chase after a passion, painting, has resulted in some really cool opportunities. I’ve also had a chance to join a local writing group which has challenged me to be an even better writer, but also allowed me to learn about other writers. Both these passions have given me much this year, and I will continue to challenge myself next year to see where things can go.

5. Be True to Who You Are

This has been an extraordinary year for gay rights. In April, The Iowa Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage. Other states also took steps and some still took steps backwards. But just this month, our nation’s capital legalized gay marriage. My friends have been amazingly supportive of my own personal and family struggles this year, and while it hasn’t been the easiest year at times, I remain true to who I am, which helps me be true to the world.

6. Thou Must Giveth

I’ve been out of college for four years now and this is the first year that I actually gave earnestly to charities. I hope it is a trend that will continue. It began with Kiva back in the early spring. Then this fall, I ran a campaign called, OneStream, which you can still join and support entrepreneurs around the world. To date, I have given nearly $150 in loans around the world. In addition, I donated money to Heifer International this year for a few Christmas gifts.

7. Anything is Possible

That has been the theme for my year for sure. My speaking opportunities grew, and some were a surprise. I will never forget that day in August or September when I got one email and two phones calls on the same day from people and groups interested in bringing me in for an event or training. It is no surprise that Anything is Possible is also the name of my book that will be available in early 2010. This will remain a theme of my life in 2010.

As 2009 ends, I’m looking forward to an amazing 2010. I remember back on December 31, 1999, sitting in my bedroom at my parents’ house, watching the celebrations around the world as each major city welcomed the new millennium. I now welcome a new decade. In the past decade I have graduated from high school, graduated from college, started my own company, written a book, came out and showed my work in an art show. But most of all, I think what I will take from 2000-2009, is that I found love. I found it in the strangest of places and in the closest of friends. I can only imagine what 2010-2019 will bring. I welcome the journey.

What are YOU taking from 2009?

Related posts:

1. Live Today
2. Lessons I’ve Learned While Running
3. It Is Amazing

Today marks the anniversary of my first experience with suicide. (I’ll preface that in a minute…) On September 2, 2000, my friend Steve shot and killed himself in the early morning hours. I’ll never forget that week. I’ll never forget that school year. I’ll never forget going to school the first day after his death.

We will never know what really caused his death and that’s not what today’s post is about. It’s about helping teenagers. It’s about saving a generation.

According to the National Conference of State Legislatures (NCSL):

* 19.3 percent of high school students have seriously considered killing themselves.
* 14.5 percent of high school students made actual plans for committing suicide.
* 900,000 youth planned their suicides during an episode of major depression.

While suicide does not seem terribly common, it is nevertheless a major cause of death. The CDC reports that it is the third leading cause of death for youth ages 15 to 24. The only two things that cause more death among teenagers are accidents (usually in the car) and homicide. And even younger children do not escape. Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for young people between the ages of 10 and 14.

This is simply unacceptable. What is causing this major uptick, this epidemic-like rise in suicides among our youth?

I do remember growing up battling with my own depression and being suicidal. I will say it’s not a pretty place when someone reaches that stage. That’s where family, friends and love are all too important. We can not continue to allow this to happen.

Our call must be to be supportive, tolerant and mostly a friend. Then and only then can we stop this terribly tragic experience. Please be the best friend you can be to everyone.

*If you need to talk with someone, please call The Trevor Project. It’s free and confidential, 24/7.

Related posts:

1. Continue the Ripple of Kindness
2. One Final Day
3. Holding On, A Journey Awaits

This is a photo from my art show on July 11. What a great expeience! Just an FYI, I’m currently working on a way to sell my art pieces on my website… so stay tuned for that!

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1. A Coffee Shop Show

Nothing purer
Nothing brighter
Nothing stronger
Let there be love…
Let there be love.

With smiles on their faces
And the sun beaming down
There is love in the air

Nothing purer
Nothing brighter
Nothing stronger
Let there be love…
Let there be love.

This is their love
This is their life
And love is all you need.

Nothing purer
Nothing brighter
Nothing stronger
Let there be love…
Let there be love.

*I wrote this poem/lyrics last week in honor of the start of marriage equality in Iowa.

Related Posts:
Is this Heaven? No, it’s Iowa!
A Challenging Tomorrow

Related posts:

1. Love Always Wins
2. Gratitude Week: Love
3. Give Love

“It all began when my son was curious if he had any half-siblings and sadly we found there were no organizations to help with the search,” Kramer said. Kramer found that there was no central agency that was built to assist families and individuals find their biological counterparts.

Since then, Kramer has helped over 6,100 half-siblings (and/or donors) connect with each other through the help of the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR), which the Kramer family founded. The worldwide organization, based out of Boulder, Colo., helps families and siblings connect with each other when there is a mutual interest.

Kramer was always open with her son about his birth and she continues to be a huge proponent of a child’s right to know. “At DSR we support a child’s curiosity because while it may not be important to the parent, we really need to honor the child’s need to know,” Kramer said.

Another factor in the disclosure process is understanding that some parents haven’t been open with their children, and Kramer’s son Ryan had that very experience.

He’d found a half-sibling, but the mother of his half-sister hadn’t told her daughter and wasn’t planning on it. It can be a very emotional and trying experience, Kramer says. It’s one of the struggles of having donor siblings.

Other struggles include the non-biological parent feeling left out since there is no biological connection with the child, especially when they are meeting other blood relatives. A local Kansas City couple, Tracy and Emily Lawler-White recently had a baby through donor insemination. The process of finding a donor and becoming pregnant was smooth and easy, they said. The couple, who have been together for 11 years are enjoying life with their first child and are learning about DSR now, so when the times comes to talk with Jonas, their newborn, they are ready.

“Our doctors didn’t talk about a sibling registry,” Tracy said. “But we stumbled across it and now we’re members of the Yahoo group and are just enjoying learning about the process.”

While the couple doesn’t have a need at Jonas’ young age to search out siblings, they are following the stories of similar families, and learning how to build up trust and honesty with a donor-inseminated child at a young age.

Emily came from a large family and didn’t see the need to know about Jonas’ half-siblings, but through the group, she understands why children may want to know about their relatives. “It has helped me to understand what Jonas’ perception might be and what will happen as he gets older,” Emily said.

While there are a lot of concerns parents have when it comes to extending their families, there is something unique and rewarding seeing a child connect with a sibling.

“They share personal experiences, issues they’ve had, their challenges and their joys,” Kramer said. “It was absolutely worth it.”

There are many groups to help a family learn and decide what is best for them. You can connect with the Donor Sibling Registry at http://www.donorsiblingregistry.com.

In addition to the DSR organization, there is a local group in Kansas City, the Midwest Alternative Family Alliance (http://www.kcmafa.org), which is a collection of local gay and lesbian parents and prospective parents that offer a voice, support and a way to connect with each other.

This article appeared recently in Liberty Press.

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Today, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that the ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional, and effective April 24, 2009, any legal adult in the state can marry. It is a day I never thought would happen and moved me to tears and quiet reflection.

Good people can disagree on this issue. Surely we can agree every person, regardless of color or creed deserves fundamental rights. The Declaration of Independence spells them out, “…the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Simple, yet powerful words written by wise and tolerant men in a time when equality was in its infancy.

If you can agree to that last statement, then surely we have come to a place where religion or tradition can’t stand in the way of equal protection. This has gone on far too long.

When Dustin Lance Black won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay (Milk, 2009), he said, “But most of all, if Harvey (Milk) had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he’d want me to say to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been told that they are less than by their churches, by the government or by their families, that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value…” Today, Iowa took a step in that direction. They are now a land where children know that no matter who they grow up to love, that love will be recognized.

After his election to the San Fransisco Board of Supervisors in 1977, Harvey Milk said, “We’ve given them hope.”

Today, the hope now exists in Des Moines, Iowa. In Cedar Falls, in Denison, in Decorah, in Estherville, in Mason City, in Keokuk, and everywhere in between. In Iowa, under the law, all love is now equal.

Laws can change the course of history — for better or worse. Sports rules change the way games are played and technology changes the way we live our lives. Books are now read on Kindles and we carry computers in our pockets. But the one thing that has never changed and has stood the test of time is love.

I’m proud of my state again today. It’s not perfect, but today, and for all time, it is heaven full of love. It has won out. Let it ring from every hillside. Let it ring from every classroom and office. Let it ring from all 99 courthouses that love is love and in Iowa, love is all that matters and all that we’ve ever needed.

Kevin Costner was asked, “Is this Heaven?” He looked out over his cornfield in eastern Iowa and smiled, “No, it’s Iowa!” It’s the land of opportunity and now, a place complete with love.

Maybe they are one and the same. Maybe Iowa is Heaven and Heaven is Iowa. One thing is for certain tonight: Love exists. Love matters. And in Iowa, Love was affirmed.

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I’m surprised by the electorate that they want more government in their lives. They want the government to solve every problem around the country and world. I may be overgeneralizing, but that’s where we’re headed. Not smaller, but bigger government.

I also listened to the chairman of the RNC this evening and he blamed the election loss on campaign finance. If the Republicans believe that is why they lost, they will keep losing. I truly believe it could have been Ronald Reagan up for election last night and the Democrats still would have won.

The next four years will tell the tale on the future of the Republican Party for the majority of my lifetime. If they can refine their message and talk truth, they stand a chance. If Obama slips, they stand a chance.

As I fell asleep last night, there was still hope for one victory on my chart. Florida and Arizona had already passed bans on gay-marriage and California was a tight battle. It still isn’t finished but most everyone has called that race for the ban.

It is a disheartening loss for civil rights and the American dream. Without getting personal, somehow, somewhere, Americans think its okay to have two types of citizens. On a night when a black man is elected to the highest office in the land, just two generations removed from the civil rights movement, citizens in three states decided marriage is for them and no one else. How dare they.

On a night when “Hope” and “Change” are the words; what rings is false hope. Last night was no different than so many before. The idea that change will happen rings false. The idea that hope belongs to all of us is empty. The idea that here in America we can have every opportunity is the biggest lie I’ve ever heard. This dream isn’t for me. I was called names by people for voting for Senator McCain.

Last night and today was the first time in my life that I felt like less-than-human. I’ve now found my moment. This is my America. This is my land. My name has been on the ballot-to serve this country. My service comes here… with my words. With my heart. With my passion.

More than a few people said last night that they were proud of their country for the first time in a long time. I have news for them: This is the first time in a long time that I’m ashamed of my country.

I will be the hope and the change we need. We are all Americans and I will live that… until every person, of every creed, of every race, of every orientation has the same rights under the law. That is the hope. That is my calling. This is our moment. Please come with me.

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In less than 30 days, quite possibly, the potential for me to marry will be decided by the state of California. A win could spark court challenges all across the country. A wave which until now has been a dream. A loss could mean new laws on the books, court cases thrown out; especially now with precedent against marriage equality.

This is our moment. This is our chance. It is within our grasp and we must not let this moment pass us by.

I ask two things.

First – if you know people in California, PLEASE ask them to oppose Proposition 8. If passed, the following statement will be added to the California State Constitution: “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” We cannot let that happen. Please make sure your friends get out and vote against this terrible piece of law.

Second – The NoOnProp8 campaign needs funds. They are currently being outspent by $10 million. The hearts and minds of people are being won with false information and we have to help. I have started and I may add to my donation in the coming days. Please give if you can. The polling numbers have started to shift against our cause. Against equal rights. We cannot let it happen.

Even if you don’t live in California, this will affect the entire United States. Please do what you can to ensure the right to marry for all.

Thank-You.

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When Jacques Rogge took over the presidency, he vowed to stop that tradition. Each Olympics was to be special in their own right and would, through history, be honored and remembered for what it was.

No matter your politics, whether you watched these games or boycotted, whether you watched religiously every night, or had simple, passing glances, these games will not be the best ever. But, they were pretty damn good when it comes to the athletes.

The lead-up to the Games had this story:

Eric Shanteau was going to be competing with cancer. Oh no, not as a survivor of cancer. He has cancer. Just a little over a month ago, Shanteau was informed that he had cancer. He had a choice: Start treatment immediately and forgo his dream of being an Olympian – or – have the doctors watch the cancer and prepare to compete but knowing he’d quit and start treatment if the cancer started to spread.

His dad said, “You have cancer, it doesn’t have you.”

So he went. He came to Beijing to compete and live. Live his life and live out his dream. He finished sixth in the 200m breaststroke, missing the finals. It doesn’t matter. He lived his gold medal.

Obviously, Michael Phelps’ story is well known. What an experience I had watching the seventh and eighth races. For the seventh, I was at a restaurant in Bricktown (Oklahoma City) and all of a sudden, the patrons got quiet and we all turned to the one television in the place. When the race was over, and Phelps’ name was number one, the place erupted. Then one night later, at a different restaurant on a lake, watching a television 70 feet away, our table watched as Phelps swam the third leg in the 4 x 100, the team winning the gold medal; Phelps reaching eight. Again, the restaurant celebrated.

Then there was 55kg wrestler, Henry Cejudo: the ultimate American story. You see, Cejudo is a symbol of hope. At just 21 and having lived in almost 50 cities as a young child, he has given hope to those who are where he was just 15 years ago. He father died when he was seven and his mother worked for $7 an hour.

The first time he slept alone in his own bed was when he got his bunk bed when he arrived at the U.S. Olympic training facility.

“I’m the America,” Cejudo said phonetically drawing out the E sound in “the” until a little word sounded as big as the American dream. “I just won a gold medal for the United States. When you win a gold medal for your country, you’re like the Statue of Liberty.”

Just a month before the Olympics, Australian diver, Matthew Mitcham blazed the cover of The Advocate, a leading gay publication. He was coming out of the closet. The news was received pretty well. Mitcham was one of only ten out athletes at these games, and the only male.

He dove terribly in the men’s 3m springboard and many critics wrote him off: coming out so close to the Olympics was a mistake they said.

But then something crazy happened. He relaxed and just dove… from 10m high. He was 35 points behind Zhou Luxin going into the sixth and final dive Saturday night. The dive was nearly perfect. He scored an unbelievable 112.10 to win by just over three points. He cried. Luxin cried.

“It’s absolutely surreal. I never though that this would be possible,” Mitcham said.

You can say China was wrong to have these games. It’s an argument that has some legs.

You can say China went back in time – and not forward by hosting these games. That also has some legs.

The Associated Press wrote on Saturday:

“This one single event is not enough” to close the gaps, said Victor Yuan, chairman of Horizon Group, a research and polling company in Beijing. Yuan said the government, however, is convinced that the games began changing foreign minds about China. […] “People now realize it’s not such a simple matter. It’s not just like opening the door and inviting guests in,” said Luo, the image expert. “China’s road to the future will be long.”

The Olympics over, it’s now time for the world to keep their eye on China. They have a lot of work to do. History will judge these games in 50 years by how open China becomes. I only hope I wasn’t wrong.

Beyond the politics, these games, any Olympics show us something. They show heart and pride. Love and hope. Each time we see the flame lit, we are ignited with hope of a better tomorrow. The flame off now at the Bird’s Nest, but the flame lives in us, in humanity. It lives in hope, belief and love.

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